thanksgiving

you know those books that you read, the thought-provoking ones? the ones that make you wish you knew the author and could call them and ask more questions or share your thoughts with? i just finished one of those...its called "a piece of cake" by cupcake brown. this book really resonated with me and made me reflect on MY life and how blessed i am. not lucky, but truly blessed; something i take for granted, that i overlook constantly...i guess out of greed or ignorance. after reading that book, and attending church two weeks ago at next level church with a sermon on "how to be rich" (not get rich, but BE rich...not in a sense of wealth but in a sense of gratitude) and by watching the nightly news... God might as well of put a flashing neon sign in front of my face saying "dont you realize how much i have blessed you?" i dont consider myself "blessed" because i have a closet full of the seasons fashion trends or because i have a fairly new car in my garage... i am blessed because i have a body that is healthy. not only is my body healthy but i have health insurance should anything happen. i have a mind that works, and i know how to read. not only that but i have access to money to pay for education. education that many people dont have the opportunity or the resources to get. i have a house to live in....with electricity and running water. clean running water. i have a family that loves me and supports me. i have food, always available whenever i want and however much i want. i have never really suffered thru anything extremely traumatic such as rape or being homeless or being deathly ill or loosing a loved one. any adversity i have encountered in my life has been my wrong doing. my poor decisions. my list of blessings could go on FOREVER. my point is i need to learn to be aware of these blessings, to focus on the positive, not the negative. to realize that any hardship i may have has most likely been self-inflicted. God has done nothing but set me up for a happy, healthy, successful life. its important that i count my blessings, not my so-called "problems", once i take into consideration how blessed i am - its comforting to know that i have everything i need. that i live a life that most people would love to have. being in a state of constant gratitude is the only way to live, is the only way to be happy. i can so quickly get into a mentality of self-pity or greed or envy of other people or feeling victimized or not adequate enough or angry or selfish... all of those negative feelings and thoughts dont allow to realize how fortunate i am to wake up in my comfy bed, brush my teeth with clean water, pick out clean clothes from my closet, and go downstairs to make coffee and eat a nutritional, filling breakfast. i need to remind myself to consider how very fortunate i am, and to consider it often; daily.  if you can make the decision to be genuinely positive and honestly grateful, life is much more enjoyable, richer, fulfilling, joyful and beautiful. 

j'aime les fleurs

beach bound baby

"There is something different about people from the coast of North Carolina. Its like we are our own race. We love things that people who aren't from here hate, like the salty water, the pluff mud, the sting of a sunburn, the sand. Our perfect day starts with gassing the boat, loading the cooler and heading for the water. We never see the sunrise but we watch it set from the harbor. Our blood is a mixture of salt water and sweet tea. We love a good time, we love shaggin' and Jimmy Buffet. We wear flip flops, even when its 40* outside. We work hard all week, but we play that much harder on the weekends. We are devoted to our friends, the water, porches, and music. See that's the thing I have learned about being from the coast...I could never guess where life will take me, but I will never forget where I came from."

 

just do it

for the past couple months i have been doing a half-ass job of trying to get in shape and loose a few lbs, basically just trying to do it the lazy, unhealthy way. id say ive been half-way successful...but that isn't going to satisfy me. i need to be honest and say that we have an exercise room IN MY HOUSE, equipped with an elliptical and a stationary bike, along with weights,etc. not only that but there is a lot of pavement outside, perfect for running on...and "not having enough time" is just not an excuse for me. i have plenty of time to exercise. i also have access to a grocery store, riiiiight down the road, that has all the healthy foods that one should consume when trying to loose weight. with that said i probably haven't exercised in over a month and last night i ate wendys for dinner. epic fail. i have plenty of resources at my disposal to be able to get into optimal shape and the only thing standing in my way is myself; my laziness, quite frankly.
so, i decided to blog about this to sort of make myself accountable, if you will. of course we all want to look good, but i need to work-out because i want to feel good. i want to feel strong and energized and HEALTHY. so im going to start TODAY. even though i really dont feel like it, id much rather grab a handful of halloween candy and my current reading book and sit on my butt outside. but im not gonna get the butt i want by sitting on the one i have now, am i? ;) the hardest part of exercising and changing your eating habits is ALWAYS the beginning, once you get into a routine and start feeling better/looking better, you will be more motivated to continue the rountine. it is going to take discipline, dedication and sacrifices but eventually the motivation that i have now will turn into a habit...speaking of motivation:

 

i have already invested in a new hot pink sports bra and new running shorts. ive also purchased songs from itunes for my ipod to play while doing cardio. my current motivation is britney spears...circa her "im a slave for you" video! (check it out here... if you want to be motivated to do some crunches!)

trust

"ill start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up."

"let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. it's because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them"

"blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"

i consider myself to be a generally happy, friendly person and i try to always be optimist because i dont see any point in being anything but that. but the older i get, the more of life i experience and the more relationships i encounter... the more i find that trustworthy, dependable, genuine, accountable people are a rarity. with that said, i have to acknowledge the fact that in the past, i know that i have not been the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker, niece, granddaugther, cousin, neighbor etc... that i am capable of being. and maybe it is my karma to in return receive my fair share of disappointments and heartbreaks from people. many times in relationship and friendships i have been a victim of my own optimism, seeing the potential in people rather than seeing the reality of who they truly are. almost to be the point of being naive, always giving people the benefit of the doubt. it reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, eat pray love, "stop wearing your wishbone wear your backbone ought to be". i hate to become so jaded, always anticipating disappointments but unfortunately this is the mentality i have developed. trust is such a fragile thing, after all. one thing i have learned from the betrayal that i have experienced in my life is that trust is not something that should automatically be given someone when you met them. it is not an "innocent until proven guilty" type of scenario, it is more like "guilty until proven innocent" i do believe that there is good in everyone and i of all people understand that people make mistakes, second chances should be given and people do have the capacity to change, but i think i being too trusting can be dangerous. setting high expectations for everyone is almost like premeditating a resentment, i believe. i hate to be bitter or cynical but hopefully with this disposition, i can protect myself from future affliction and tribulation. not only that, but hopefully it will allow some people to pleasantly surprise me. i would love nothing more than to be refuted and proved wrong. but when people show you who they are, when they reveal their true colors, believe them the first time. be cautious when it comes to choosing your friends. i still believe in being friendly to everyone, but i have definitely learned that being friendly and being a friend are two entirely different things.

     “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” - William Shakespeare

gas station revelations

there is a bp gas station across the street from my neighborhood that i frequently visit numerous times a week. this is the same gas station that i would buy alcohol from numerous times a week, sometimes a day, once upon a time. i went to the bp today and one of the gas station attendants had some outside perspective to share with me. keep in mind that i dont have a relationship with her, per say, i just buy energy drinks from this woman and exchange casual "have-a-nice-day" 's with her. according to her, i have changed over the past few months. she said when she first saw me she thought i wore to much make up (very blunt of her) and i seemed like "a hot mess". she was essentially saying i came across as a train-wreck that tried to disguise it under the excessive make up. (pretty accurate.)  she stated that lately and since i have been with brock; i seem calmer and serene, more beautiful, more put together and that i have just changed overall. id say this is something pretty profound to be said from someone who has no idea that i have indeed been working on changing and improving myself; that i am on the road to recovery. it was an unexpected source of encouragement and i am grateful that she shared her observation with me. 

"Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

"Never regret anything you have been through, because only with those trials will you become a better person the next day."

oh the places we will go...greece

i once read a quote that said "travel is in the only thing you buy that makes you richer" it would be a dream come to be able to travel the world, with brocky & my camera. one of the places on my travel wish list is GREECE. i was watching the world news last night, & apparently...Greece, is a basket case. The country, over the last decade, has gone on a debt binge & is in a serious economic crisis now. The debt is so serious that it is threatening the other European countries economy & the future of the euro. The efforts to raise taxes & cut spending are not working to save the economy and apparently the goverments finacial decisions are just pissing people off because there have been several protests by the greek people; burning things in the streets and disregarding authorities. maybe i should go ahead and check this off my bucket list, in attempt to help their economy via tourism and before the greek protesters destroy anymore of this gorgeous country :)

on another, and totally irrelevant note... i am loving x factor this season. almost all of the singers are the captivating-send chills up your body-make you wanna sing along type. but one of my favorites is drew ryniewicz. this girl is only 14 years old and her talent is out of this world! here is a clip of her singing...(baby by justin beiber)

my other favorite is rachel crow, watching this young girl sing is so moving, that it is emotional.  see for yourself! (if i were a boy by beyonce)