trust

"ill start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up."

"let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. it's because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them"

"blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"

i consider myself to be a generally happy, friendly person and i try to always be optimist because i dont see any point in being anything but that. but the older i get, the more of life i experience and the more relationships i encounter... the more i find that trustworthy, dependable, genuine, accountable people are a rarity. with that said, i have to acknowledge the fact that in the past, i know that i have not been the best daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, co-worker, niece, granddaugther, cousin, neighbor etc... that i am capable of being. and maybe it is my karma to in return receive my fair share of disappointments and heartbreaks from people. many times in relationship and friendships i have been a victim of my own optimism, seeing the potential in people rather than seeing the reality of who they truly are. almost to be the point of being naive, always giving people the benefit of the doubt. it reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, eat pray love, "stop wearing your wishbone wear your backbone ought to be". i hate to become so jaded, always anticipating disappointments but unfortunately this is the mentality i have developed. trust is such a fragile thing, after all. one thing i have learned from the betrayal that i have experienced in my life is that trust is not something that should automatically be given someone when you met them. it is not an "innocent until proven guilty" type of scenario, it is more like "guilty until proven innocent" i do believe that there is good in everyone and i of all people understand that people make mistakes, second chances should be given and people do have the capacity to change, but i think i being too trusting can be dangerous. setting high expectations for everyone is almost like premeditating a resentment, i believe. i hate to be bitter or cynical but hopefully with this disposition, i can protect myself from future affliction and tribulation. not only that, but hopefully it will allow some people to pleasantly surprise me. i would love nothing more than to be refuted and proved wrong. but when people show you who they are, when they reveal their true colors, believe them the first time. be cautious when it comes to choosing your friends. i still believe in being friendly to everyone, but i have definitely learned that being friendly and being a friend are two entirely different things.

     “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” - William Shakespeare