harsh reality

Im pretty sure that there is a song titled "Age is just a number" and even if there isn't...I'm sure you've probably heard that before. Let me tell you what - age really is just a number. I am almost 24 years old but sometimes I think Im still about 18 years old. I realized today something that I think I have been aware of for a long time, but have never completely acknowledged it...I am so so so terrified of "becoming an adult" and "living in the real world". I assume its from a combination of the sad truth that my parents, mainly my father, has spoiled me and babied me forever and, the other sad truth, that immediately after graduating high school I really didn't do much other than drink which lead to me getting into legal trouble, destroying relationships and ruining my credit. Now...5 years later, the fog is lifted, the mess is almost cleaned up, and reality is setting in. I would compare my view of life to a stream filled of fish (bare with me for the explanation) - it seems as if all the other fish (people) just go with the flow, progressing up the stream (life) with relatively no setbacks or struggles and then theres me, the only fish in the school that is going against the current and getting stopped by every rock or tree stump in the stream. Make sense? Analogies always work for me. I'm not sure what differentiates me from all the other "fish" but things have never come easy for me and luck has never been on my side. I know that I am wiser, stronger, more cautious, more grateful person because of all the adversity I have encountered in my life, but somedays (apparently today) I just wish that my life was more so what you would call "normal". or that I was at a place in my life that is more acceptable for someone my age. Comparing yourself to others is a fruitless pursuit, I know that, and feeling sorry for yourself will get you no where, I know that as well...BUT I am and I do, right now. Because of my "different path"I have taken in life, it has separated me from a vast majority of people my age - I constantly feel as if I am on a different playing field. Not necessarily in an inferior or superior way, but just in a way that makes it hard for me to trust and relate to a lot of my peers. But my "different path" has, indirectly, lead me God and to Brock. and for that, I wouldn't change a thing. I know that I still have a long road of reconstruction ahead of me and I am filled with fear from all the responsibilities that adulthood involves - but with faith in God and love from Brock...I think I will be willing and able to tackle whatever else comes my way in this stream of life.